Watching
by PilarlaRubia
Summary: Happens after Veronica and Logan Break up in 3.12 and then follows from there. Roughly follows canon. So there is VeronicaPiz and LoganParker can't guarantee what it will end up as, not sure myself. It is about what is going on in their heads.
1. Chapter 1

He still sits outside her house some nights. Sure he was with Parker. She was fun and sassy, she was Lilly light. Not that he really compares her to Lilly he wouldn't do that to Lilly. Parker is someone who would call him on some of his shit, but wouldn't put him through shit. Parker was everything he should want in a girlfriend. Fun, loving and hot. She was simple. She wanted the things every girl wanted. A boyfriend who wanted her and didn't cheat, didn't stray and felt lucky to have her. He knew that Parker knew he was still in love with Veronica.. She put up with it. He wasn't sure if it was some girl thing where she wanted to reform the bad boy in him or if she could sense the broken little boy in him and wanted to take care off him. He felt in some way she wanted to fix him. Logan wanted to tell her it was useless. If he couldn't be fixed by Veronica he felt it would never happen.

So he sat outside her house when he should be home in bed or with Parker. He didn't call her his girlfriend, he wasn't sure what they were. They were taking it slow. Logan because of Veronica and Parker because of Mercer. Why did he do this to himself? Why did he sleep with Madison? Did he really want the break up to stick? Is that why he slept with someone he knew she wouldn't get over? And if he was being honest with himself he had to admit that he knew she would find out. Madison couldn't keep her mouth shut in high school why would he think that she would start now. He knew that eventually it would get back to Veronica.

Had he been trying test her to see how much she loved him? Was he so convinced that he couldn't be loved that he would do anything to make sure he was proven right? Maybe he should start seeing a shrink. Logan leaned his head against the head rest.

Maybe he should just break it off with Parker and spare her self destructive Logan. Who was he kidding of course he would ruin it some how. He wasn't in love with her and he didn't see how he could be since he was pretty sure he was still in love with Veronica.

xxxxx

Veronica watched him sit there in her parking lot. She wasn't sure what he thought he was doing but it was the third time this week he was here. Was he protecting her? Stalking her? She wasn't sure. And she wasn't sure why she didn't make him leave. Call him and tell him she knew he was out there. She wondered why he wasn't asleep, or with Parker.

That was a new thing she was angry about. What did he think he was trying to pull with that move? She has no option but to say it is fine that he dates Parker. There is no other possible answer. If she says no it shows one of two things. Option A either she is really not over him and might want him back. Option B she was a bitch and didn't want him but didn't want anyone else to have him. So she took the only option she could she told him to go ahead and date Parker. Maybe there was an option C she didn't know what that was and she had been distracted by solving the dean's murder at the time.

She peered through the blinds again. He's still sitting there. She sighs, he really isn't very good at staking places out if he was just going to sit in plain sight. His Land Rover may be less obtrusive than his Xterra but it still wasn't a car normally associated with her neighborhood. She wondered how long he would sit out there tonight. She reached for her phone to tell him to go home when his lights come on and he leaves on his own. She watches his taillights until they disappear around the corner.

xxxxx

Logan heads up to his room alone again. He has his cell phone in his hand and he stares at it. Should he call Parker ask her to come over it was only eleven? They could watch a movie or something. He doesn't call her he just stares at the phone he knows who he wants to call but he can't. The elevator doors open and he walks down the hall to his room. As he looks at the number by the door he thinks it might be time he found some place more permanent.

Over the summer Veronica and he had looked at apartments. He hadn't really been interested in buying or renting some place. The Grand was just easier they brought him food when he wanted and even cleaned without him having to arrange for a cleaning services. Parker thought it was cool that he lived in a hotel. Veronica thought - well she didn't really care and it didn't matter what she thought anymore. Logan knew he had to stop comparing Parker to Veronica. They were different. Just like he had to stop comparing her to Lilly as well. Logan thinks he will be forever doomed to compare all the women in his life to the first two, the one's that mean the most.

Veronica used to tell him he was a hopeless romantic and the girl in the relationship. Dick calls him whipped. Logan when he thinks about his relationships calls himself desperate. He doesn't need to got to a psychologist he can self analyze. He was probably looking for love in all the wrong places. Logan was fairly certain if he ever did seek help for his mental health he would hear something about the need to love himself. He didn't need to hear that kind of crap.

xxxxx

Veronica sat staring at the window long after he left. She thinks of what could of been. Maybe her and Logan could have made it. She loves him, not loved, loves present tense. Veronica thinks he has purposely driven her away. She wonders why. She wonders why she couldn't tell him before the Madison thing was able to happen that she loved him. Why couldn't she respond with more than a yeah. Why she could say the words. She knew he deserved them they both had been through so much.

She turns away from the window in disgust. Even though he had dumped her the time before she knew it was her fault. Why did she have to push so hard? Why couldn't she try and be something resembling normal? Why couldn't she just let things be? So Veronica acknowledged that them broken up was her fault. Logan sleeping with Madison was in a way her fault. The fact she couldn't get over it was her fault. The whole thing was her fault. So letting him date Parker and trying to act normal was her punishment.

It seemed fitting to see the man you love with a woman you couldn't hate. That had to be some circle of hell somewhere. Maybe she could have gotten past the Madison thing with time. Veronica lies to herself. Every time she hears the name Madison she wished that she would have let Weevil crush the car.

It was her fault she couldn't move on. The rational part of Veronica knew that they were broken up and he had the right to date or do anyone he wanted to. The rational part knew that Madison wasn't responsible for all the horrible things that went wrong in High School and in actuality a lot of that was Logan. It was the irrational part that wouldn't let her take him back. The part that carried the hurt from the year after Lilly died and everything and everyone changed.

The only thing rational and irrational Veronica agree on was that it was her fault.

xxxxx

Logan had probably stood outside his door for ten minutes before Dick swung the door open. Dick didn't say anything more than a 'dude' and shook his head as he got on the elevator. Logan figured if you have become so transparent that Dick Casablancas could read your mood maybe it was time to seek professional help.

He sits staring at the TV. It's not on the suite is silent. He thinks he should have given her more space let her grow into their relationship. He'd always been an all or nothing kind of person. He couldn't switch to this friend person he was supposed to be.

He'd pushed her to hard. He shouldn't have broken up with her. He shouldn't drink himself to oblivion, this didn't stop him from reaching for the beer he'd opened and set in front of him on the coffee table. He takes a long gulp of the foamy liquid. Logan thinks at least he isn't drinking some had alcohol he'll never forget on beer. His phone is still in his hand. Parker's name is no longer highlighted Veronica's is.

After sitting in silence he's developed a routine. Gulp the beer stare at the phone highlighting he name until the light goes out, gulp beer stare at her name.


	2. Chapter 2

She was doing it again. He hated when she did. She stared she couldn't help it there was something about him that just made her want to look. There was something about him something different she couldn't pinpoint it. She thought if she looked deep enough then she could figure out what it was. They were sitting on the couch right now. He was facing the TV engrossed in the movie, it was one of his favorites, he was mouthing the words along with the actors. She sat in the corner curled up so it could look like she was watching the movie when in fact she was watching him.

His hair was in his eyes again and he brushed it out of his face with his right hand and then rested it on the couch arm. She cataloged his movements wondering is that is where his differences lye. Right hand on couch arm, left arm and hand on the back of the couch, feet stretched in front of him. She took a sip of her soda watching him over the rim of her glass. He started to twitch his nose it was a sign that he sensed her watching. She turned to the movie. His gaze was like a hand running down her body. It stayed on her for a moment longer than necessary, she debated turning the tables on him, accusing him of staring at her.

When he turned back to the movie she waited a few moments before she turned to studying him, again. Maybe that is way it bugged him so much she was studying him, much like she used to watch ants crawling on the ground. She wanted to learn all his secrets and why he did the things he did and understand the inner workings of his mind. She wasn't sure if it was because she loved him or she just needed to know. She was pretty sure it was because she needed to know.

She knew she would hurt him at some point. She always wanted to fall for a nice guy but now that she had one she thought she was to mean for him. He wanted people to like him and she could barely remember what it was like to want that. She mainly just wanted to be right and for people to tell her the truth. She didn't need for them to like her because they would just betray her in the end. Maybe that was one of the things that made him so different, he cared. He cared about other people and about what they thought. She didn't and most of the people she knew didn't care either and that is why she kept them close to her.

But not him. She kept him at a distance. He didn't know everything about her and that was kind of nice. He didn't know she was ultimately damaged and had secrets she would probably never share with him. She was sure that he had secrets he would never share with her either but she was also sure that the would not be as deep or as scaring as the ones that she had. And he generally liked people. She vaguely remembered what that was like. So she watched him to remember.

xxxxx

He knew she was staring at him. She had been the entire movie she did it every time they stayed in and watched TV or movies. She even did it when they went out, just not as obviously. She didn't fool him with the studied stare at the TV screen. He knew she was waiting for him to shift his focus back to the movie.

She was weird. Not weird in the way you cross the street to get away from someone but weird different and cool. He liked different and cool. At least he thought he did. She may to different and to cool for him. He always figured he wouldn't be conventional living a normal life. That there would always be something that set him apart. And then he met her. She was totally unconventional and her life was anything but normal. He'd been told she fought for normal and he could tell that sometimes she was still trying to get it.

They'd do thing he knew she hated but thought that she should like. Her smile would be forced and she would lie and say she had had fun. He could see it though the lie and the strain the normal things put on her. She was always looking for the thing that wasn't right. That's why he hated it when she stared at him. She was looking for the thing that wasn't right. He was afraid of what would happen when or if she found the thing that was wrong with him. Would she finally relax? Or would it be the end of the relationship? He wasn't sure. He tried to focus on the movie.

He tried but he couldn't get past the stare. There she was sitting on the other side of the couch, watching. It was unnerving. He tried to be what she wanted him to be but he didn't know what that was. He wanted to ask her to stop but every time he did she pouted and would do it out of the side of her eye anyway. So he stopped asking, most of the time. Mostly he wished she would tell him why. Even though he knew that would never happen.

If asked he would say that he liked watching her too. Not when they were sitting watching TV though. He like watching her from a distance. Moving across campus and charging after someone. She had so much determination it was nice to see. He thought he was probably a wuss because one of the reasons he liked watching her from a distance was because he could also watch her defend herself. He didn't have to step in to save her. He liked that she could save her self.

Maybe that was what was wrong with them. He was on the sideline the entire time while she was the coach and the star player wrapped into one. He was content to sit on the sidelines though. He got off the bench if she called for him, it hadn't happened yet but he knew he would.

He sighed as he settled back into the couch. At least he had watched "Dumb and Dumber" enough times that her staring across the couch wouldn't disturb his movie enjoyment.


	3. Chapter 3

There they were sitting across the cafeteria. Heads close together a smile on both their faces. She had to look away, make sure they didn't see her when they noticed that other people might be around. She'd forgotten about this part of his personality. A part so predominant before. Before Lilly, before Aaron, Felix and Beaver. A time just before. He'd loved the attention. Then he'd lived off of it. Even when he was so oblivious to it all around him.

She had shied away from the spot light after. He had too but then she'd forgotten how he used to live off people and their energy. He didn't like people now, didn't need them to live. Maybe he never had. He was reawakening. She was bringing him back to who he used to be, who he was and is. While when together she'd kept him hidden and she hadn't wanted any attention, no comments just the two of them. It would have been fine for a while.

It was pointless to ask if they would ever emerge from the cocoon that was forced upon them. She was pretty sure she didn't really ever want to, he would have. This was better, for him.

XXXXX 

Logan could sense her. Knew that Veronica was watching, or at least there. Would he ever not? Part of him hoped so and the other hoped that he could move on. Move forward, heal. Was that why he clung to Veronica? He wouldn't have to they could both pretend they were better and growing but in reality they were both just making sure the wounds never healed.

He couldn't think about that right now. He was sitting with Parker in the middle of the cafeteria. She was smiling her hair was shining and she was preening. She would deny it but she was loving sitting in the middle of the cafeteria with her boyfriend. Or maybe it was sitting with Logan Echolls. An internal head shake, he couldn't let himself go there. People would always want him for his last name he needed to get over it. Maybe that was part of the preening and maybe not, he needed to live in the moment.

Parker wasn't someone he was going to spend the rest of his life with. That brought him back to Veronica, another thing not to think about. He smiled at Parker's joke and his eyes crinkled. He really did like her. She was fun and ready for a good time. She was here to enjoy college.

She hadn't wanted to be deep and angsty. In some ways it surprised him she was in a sorority, Mac probably had something to do with that. He refused to think of the rape. Logan didn't want to think about things like that, no one did. And he knew it wasn't fair, he should ask her. See if she wanted to talk about it whatever. That might lead to him having sex with her. He wasn't ready for that. He knew what Dick would say, but it was one thing to have a meaningless one night stand and entirely another to sleep with a girlfriend. He knew that was a commitment and maybe if he didn't sleep with her she wouldn't be as hurt as she would otherwise.

They were holding hand, and sitting beside each other. It felt so nice, it felt so normal. Pressure free. There weren't any land mines for him here. None that he couldn't maneuver successfully. Parker was a breath of fresh air. He forgot what a normal teenage girl could be like.

Logan thought back and realized he'd probably never known. She leaned into him, not worried about other people seeing and commenting. Her hair brushing his arm, his shoulder. He took a quick sniff, fruity.

XXXXX

Parker didn't notice Veronica she did notice when Logan's attention shifted. She could say to what it wasn't obvious. It was just that moments before she'd had his entire attention and now she didn't. She ignored it. Logan's attention drifted like that all the time. She'd quickly learned not to ask. Mac had told her a little about his past. So she knew not to ask.

He was a good boyfriend. He was sitting in the cafeteria holding her hand, well playing with her fingers. She resisted turning to the rest of the cafeteria to see who was watching them. It wasn't that Parker thought that people should be watching them it was just that she used to do that. Watch the couples and hope that someday that would happen for her.

Parker Lee did not want to get married, yet. She was just out of high school out from under her parents thumb and she was ready to see the world, be in it and live it. She had a minor set back, well major but she wouldn't let it keep her from living. Parker didn't think about the bad things, often. It wasn't that she didn't acknowledge that a horrible thing had happened to her she did and she had joined those girls instead of a sorority. It was over now though he was caught and she was free and thus she didn't have to dwell on it anymore.

She looked down at their hands again. Leaned into Logan to tell him something and then he sniffed her hair, so she kissed him on the cheek. He was so cute sometimes.

XXXXX

Veronica turned and walked out. She wasn't that hungry anyway.

**AN: I wasn't happy with the original chapter 3 so here is the new and improved. Hope you like this one better. **


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